I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
