Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
