I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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