Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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