what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
