My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize