Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How does one acquire holy water?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
