Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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