Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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