you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
