Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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