went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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