need another drink. this is the easiest way
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
