i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My feet surprised me
Randomize
