I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
