I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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