Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
3 2 1 whiskey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
