She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
