that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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