Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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