u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
