I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
