Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
