You can't special order awesome
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
