Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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