i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
