She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
