Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
