i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
