he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
