I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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