So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He has the fingertips of a God
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