well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This baby is an asshole
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
