I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
