the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
