there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
