What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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