I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
