i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
