FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
