They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
