ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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