I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We don't watch enough power rangers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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