I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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