I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
