i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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