I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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