when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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