Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
