and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
