yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
