can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
