can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
