Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
