I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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