did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
