Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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