need another drink. this is the easiest way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
