thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
