I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
