You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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