I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
