I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
