my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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