We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
