Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
