well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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