The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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