we have pet lesbian snakes
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.