I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body