I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.