i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
