People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.