someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
