I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
